Choose Joy

I have never had an easy semester of college. Never. Mentally, emotionally, physically...college has just been a struggle. Let me give you a quick run down...

Semester 1- First college semester. In Florida. 16 hours away from home. Who knew I was going to get so homesick? Turns out I don't love to be far away from my family! It was a great time, and I met my best friend. But, still a challenge..throw in the fact that I started working a campus job that I HATED..I cried everyday. Yeah..true story.

Semester 2- Second semester of freshman year. Trying to get into the nursing program. Trying to get all A's...or at least pass O Chem! Overall, not a bad semester. I did step on my phone and broke it, causing me to be without a phone for a week. Sad, but you really do use your phone for everything! 

Semester 3- First semester of sophomore year! Back at PCC, and in the nursing program! (Which was definitely a cause of stress!!) Sadly, I struggled finding friends in the program, because the ones I had been friends with didn't make it in or changed their majors! Also that year, my best friend didn't come back. Now that was hard..

Semester 4- Second semester of sophomore year. I hated it there. I struggled with my classes so much! It was just a bad semester..

Semester 5- Transferred to Liberty University. Best decision ever. Hard decision, though, because I knew NO ONE. Talk about flashback to freshman year! Had to decide if I was still going to pursue nursing or switch my major. Wanted to stick with nursing, but needed a 4.0. I got a 3.8....but an A in chem!

Semester 6- Changed my major. Then felt God telling me that I had given up way to easily...so placed that semester in His hands and applied for the nursing program. Got on the wait list..then got accepted!

Semester 7- Junior year of nursing! By some miracle, all of my sophomore classes from PCC transferred, so I was able to take junior nursing classes. Honestly, it was a blast. I loved it. But there were two classes that were a struggle...They say first semester junior year is the worst..and they aren't lying!

Now, I didn't write all of that to complain. And I didn't write it to tell you what a terrible life I have. I wrote it so that you can get an idea for how I could have felt. And now I'm going to tell you how I really feel... I am currently in my eighth semester of college. Yes, I am a senior. No, I am not graduating. But that's ok.

This semester started out rough. Like, more rough than any other semester..

What I'm about to share isn't going to be the happiest story ever. But it's my current story. And it's where God has me.

I got some not-so-happy news over Christmas break. Turns out I was a couple of points away from passing two classes. It kills me, but the rules are that if that happens, you can't continue in the program. But, there's hope..you can petition! So, petition I did. And my parents and I prayed every night for my future. In my mind, I've faced enough heartache and turmoil where my college education is concerned, and if God really wanted me to succeed, He was going to miraculously let my petition get accepted. He can do miracles, so why not?

I had gone into this semester with the mindset that I would take the rest of my general education courses that I needed and then retake the classes I had failed Fall 2016. Perfect plan. But not God's plan. The Saturday before classes started, I opened the worst email of my life. And read the worst words ever. My petition was not accepted. And I would not be graduating with a BSN. 

In that single moment after reading those words, I think I went through every stage of grieving. Seriously. My mind was racing as I tried to figure out what to do. How could this happen? What had I done to deserve this? I've already been through enough trials..why did I need ANOTHER ONE? All of these thoughts [and more] went through my mind. I had no idea what to do. 

And then, I remembered that I didn't have to do anything. The only thing I could do was trust in God! I'll admit, this is very hard for me. I am a planner, and I want to know the future now! But that's not what God has for me! He just wants me to trust. And, somehow, strangely, I have been at total peace since handing this situation completely to Him!

This semester has, without a doubt, been my worst semester so far. I feel lost..all of my hopes and dreams of the future seemed to shatter in one single moment. All of my nursing student friends are busy, and I never see them. I am taking classes with people that I don't know, who all seem to have their life figured out. I still don't know what the future holds! 

But, this semester has also been the best. Because, in those terrible moments, I am choosing joy. Joy that, although I don't get to see my friends everyday, I do still get to see them! Joy that, although I don't get to do clinical this semester, I will, someday. Joy that I am still planning on going into the medical field, just not as a nurse. Joy that I can still graduate around the time that I was planning on. Joy that, although I don't know anyone in my classes, I can make more friends! Joy that, although the future is scary, God has a plan. And His plan is clearly way bigger than anything I can imagine.

Since that life-changing moment, I have been reading in the book of Job. I can honestly say that, though I have grown up in church and read my Bible every day, I have never actually studied Job in depth. But I am loving what I am learning! 

I wrote this post, not to tell others of my sorrow, but to encourage those who are struggling! It's not easy. Most people don't know what to say to you or how to respond. You probably will cry a little. But just know that God has a plan. And it will be worth it. Ans by choosing joy, you can make the best out of any situation.

XOXO, Nichole