Hello, 2017

Wow. I never thought I wold make it through this past year. And yet, while I sit here thinking on this past year and all of the changes and trials it brought, I find myself thanking God for everything He sent me. 

But, why? 

The past few months, I have read status after status of reasons why 2016 has been the worst year ever. Every person on my Facebook page seems to have some reason why they hated this year and cannot wait for the next one. And, believe me, I can totally relate.  This year did not start out good for me. Actually..2015 did not end well. I failed two classes and had to change my future plans. Again. So, I was determined to make 2016 my best year yet. 

But it did not start that way. It started with disappointment and failure and a feeling of worthlessness. 

And, somewhere in the midst of all of this heartache, I discovered something. I was trying to make it my best year. But I was not allowing God to help.

That was a hard realization to come to. It is so hard for me to hand over control. I like to be independent. I like to figure things out. I like to be in charge. But, I can't. It's not my job. And, once I realized that I really can't control everything, 2016 became so much better. 

God gave me a new dream and new goals. And, when I least expected it, he opened doors for me to be able to continue my dream of becoming a nurse.

He sent new, amazing friends into my life and renewed old friendships that have turned into major blessings.

He taught me perseverance and endurance. To never give up. And to let go, and let God.

I went to Nicaragua again. And fell in love with the country. Again.

I ran a marathon.

I worked at a children's Bible camp for the second summer and had an amazing, exhausting, wonderful time.

I retook the 2 classes I thought ended my chances of becoming a nurse. And I passed. With a B in both classes.

But, I did not do these things on my own. I did them with God by my side. It took me awhile. Several months. Many tears. But I did it. HE did it. And, while those accomplishments certainly do not mean 2016 was a year without hardships, it shows the positive things as well. Yes, 2016 was a hard year. Yes, there were times when I hated it and felt hopeless. But, that does not mean that 2016 was the worst year of my life. Nope. If anything, 2016 taught me to be a better person. 2016 made me stronger. And 2016 taught me to never ever give up. 

Dear reader, I want to leave you with these wonderful words from Jesus:

Isaiah 43: 1-3 ..."Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God"...

Whether 2016 was YOUR year, or whether you want to forget it ever happened.. Never forget that God has a plan for you. It may be a wonderful, messy plan. But He created it just for you. And, when we remember that, we can almost always guarantee our best year. Every year. 

H A P P Y N E W Y E A R 

XOXO, Nichole

Choose Joy

I have never had an easy semester of college. Never. Mentally, emotionally, physically...college has just been a struggle. Let me give you a quick run down...

Semester 1- First college semester. In Florida. 16 hours away from home. Who knew I was going to get so homesick? Turns out I don't love to be far away from my family! It was a great time, and I met my best friend. But, still a challenge..throw in the fact that I started working a campus job that I HATED..I cried everyday. Yeah..true story.

Semester 2- Second semester of freshman year. Trying to get into the nursing program. Trying to get all A's...or at least pass O Chem! Overall, not a bad semester. I did step on my phone and broke it, causing me to be without a phone for a week. Sad, but you really do use your phone for everything! 

Semester 3- First semester of sophomore year! Back at PCC, and in the nursing program! (Which was definitely a cause of stress!!) Sadly, I struggled finding friends in the program, because the ones I had been friends with didn't make it in or changed their majors! Also that year, my best friend didn't come back. Now that was hard..

Semester 4- Second semester of sophomore year. I hated it there. I struggled with my classes so much! It was just a bad semester..

Semester 5- Transferred to Liberty University. Best decision ever. Hard decision, though, because I knew NO ONE. Talk about flashback to freshman year! Had to decide if I was still going to pursue nursing or switch my major. Wanted to stick with nursing, but needed a 4.0. I got a 3.8....but an A in chem!

Semester 6- Changed my major. Then felt God telling me that I had given up way to easily...so placed that semester in His hands and applied for the nursing program. Got on the wait list..then got accepted!

Semester 7- Junior year of nursing! By some miracle, all of my sophomore classes from PCC transferred, so I was able to take junior nursing classes. Honestly, it was a blast. I loved it. But there were two classes that were a struggle...They say first semester junior year is the worst..and they aren't lying!

Now, I didn't write all of that to complain. And I didn't write it to tell you what a terrible life I have. I wrote it so that you can get an idea for how I could have felt. And now I'm going to tell you how I really feel... I am currently in my eighth semester of college. Yes, I am a senior. No, I am not graduating. But that's ok.

This semester started out rough. Like, more rough than any other semester..

What I'm about to share isn't going to be the happiest story ever. But it's my current story. And it's where God has me.

I got some not-so-happy news over Christmas break. Turns out I was a couple of points away from passing two classes. It kills me, but the rules are that if that happens, you can't continue in the program. But, there's hope..you can petition! So, petition I did. And my parents and I prayed every night for my future. In my mind, I've faced enough heartache and turmoil where my college education is concerned, and if God really wanted me to succeed, He was going to miraculously let my petition get accepted. He can do miracles, so why not?

I had gone into this semester with the mindset that I would take the rest of my general education courses that I needed and then retake the classes I had failed Fall 2016. Perfect plan. But not God's plan. The Saturday before classes started, I opened the worst email of my life. And read the worst words ever. My petition was not accepted. And I would not be graduating with a BSN. 

In that single moment after reading those words, I think I went through every stage of grieving. Seriously. My mind was racing as I tried to figure out what to do. How could this happen? What had I done to deserve this? I've already been through enough trials..why did I need ANOTHER ONE? All of these thoughts [and more] went through my mind. I had no idea what to do. 

And then, I remembered that I didn't have to do anything. The only thing I could do was trust in God! I'll admit, this is very hard for me. I am a planner, and I want to know the future now! But that's not what God has for me! He just wants me to trust. And, somehow, strangely, I have been at total peace since handing this situation completely to Him!

This semester has, without a doubt, been my worst semester so far. I feel lost..all of my hopes and dreams of the future seemed to shatter in one single moment. All of my nursing student friends are busy, and I never see them. I am taking classes with people that I don't know, who all seem to have their life figured out. I still don't know what the future holds! 

But, this semester has also been the best. Because, in those terrible moments, I am choosing joy. Joy that, although I don't get to see my friends everyday, I do still get to see them! Joy that, although I don't get to do clinical this semester, I will, someday. Joy that I am still planning on going into the medical field, just not as a nurse. Joy that I can still graduate around the time that I was planning on. Joy that, although I don't know anyone in my classes, I can make more friends! Joy that, although the future is scary, God has a plan. And His plan is clearly way bigger than anything I can imagine.

Since that life-changing moment, I have been reading in the book of Job. I can honestly say that, though I have grown up in church and read my Bible every day, I have never actually studied Job in depth. But I am loving what I am learning! 

I wrote this post, not to tell others of my sorrow, but to encourage those who are struggling! It's not easy. Most people don't know what to say to you or how to respond. You probably will cry a little. But just know that God has a plan. And it will be worth it. Ans by choosing joy, you can make the best out of any situation.

XOXO, Nichole